Parenting Tips

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Parenting Tips for Returning Veterans with Physical or Emotional Injuries

Kim Goehl, BSN, MSN Student Elmhurst College
Diane Shearod, LCSW Hines VA Hospital

Being a parent is a tough job. Most parents have feelings of fear and doubt about their parenting skills. If you are a returning veteran with a physical or emotional injury, you may find it is a challenge to rejoin and reconnect with your family. If you now have a disability, you may have even more fear and doubt because you feel you have changed. New obstacles and special needs can make you feel scared, angry or overwhelmed. Your life as a parent will be different than it was before your injury.

CAN I STILL BE A GOOD PARENT?
Of course! You are not alone! There are nearly 9 million parents with disabilities in the U.S. You can learn to adapt to your child's needs and your child can learn to adapt to yours. The most important things a parent can do for their children are still possible, even with a disability.

  • Listen to your child.
  • Love your child.
  • Keep your child safe.
  • Set consistent schedules and rules.
  • Spend time with your child.

Your child will grow up healthly and strong!

HOW DO I EXPLAIN MY INJURY TO MY CHILD?
Your child may react to your disability in many ways. Very young children will probably accept your disability. A young teen may feel ashamed, angry or guilty. It is important to keep the lines of communication open with your child. Talk openly about their feelings and your feelings. Explain things at a level your child can understand.

TIPS FOR DIFFERENT AGE CHILDREN:

Preschool children

  • Name and describe the injury in a way they can understand.
  • Use simple drawings, dolls or stuffed animals to explain the injury.
  • Answer questions with short explainations.
School age children
  • Name and describe the injury in a way they can understand.
  • Assure them their needs will be met.
  • Let them enjoy helping you around the house with small jobs. Be careful not to give them too much to do. Remember, they still need to be the child not the parent.
Teenagers
  • Give more detailed information.
  • They may need someone outside the home they can talk to.
  • Realize they need to begin separating from parents and spending more time with friends.
  • They may resent the attention you are getting. Try to give them extra attention and praise.

Talking with your child about the differences in people is important. All people do not look or act the same. Discussing these differences with your child has a positive side. Your child will develop important qualities such as compassion and having an open mind.

The VA has programs for both men and women to help you be a successful parent. The VA staff is specially trained to assist veterans with injuries such as amputations, blindness, spinal cord injuries and posttraumatic stress disorder. Each VA also has a Women Veterans Program Manager to help returning women understand and use VA benefits and health care programs.

SOME OF THE SERVICES THE VA OFFERS:

Mental Health Services
Emotional support is very important. Peer support, support groups and counseling are available. You may need help in rebuilding your confidence. Help is also available for issues such as anxiety, depression, anger and substance abuse. You can get the support you need so you can care for your child.

Occupational Therapy
Occupational therapy helps you develop the skills you need to live your daily life and care for your child. An occupational therapist may show you a different way to lift or carry your child, comb hair, bathe, feed or dress your child.

Physical Therapy
Parenting can be hard physical work. Physical therapy will hep improve your strength.

Assistive devices
The VA can help you get and learn how to use many devices to help you adapt to your changing needs. Some examples are specialized wheelchairs, computer screens and prosthetics.

RESOURCES FOR YOU

LOCAL VA MEDICAL FACILITIES CONTACT INFORMATION

  • Hines VA Hosital
    Phone: 708/202-8387
  • Jesse Brown
    Phone: 312/569-8387
  • North Chicago VAMC
    Phone: 800-393-0865
  • Milwaukee VAMC
    Phone: 888/469-6614
  • Madison VAMC
    Phone: 608/256-1901
  • Iron Mountain VAMC
    Phone: 906/774-3300
  • Tomah VAMC
    Phone: 800/872-8662

For more information about NASA Education, contact Amy Johnson, Program Director, at 866-EDU-4YOU (866-338-4968) or send an email to Amy_Johnson@nasaeducation.org